wartortles: sir please leave the caption writing for people who are actually funny
dungeonsanddamsels: this week on “gay porn videos have the weirdest titles”
plethoricdreams: azkabanescapee: carbonated-milk: hey if ur ever feelin shitty use this Holy shit I’m trying not to cry. Awwwwww
darrynek: hello 911 yes i’d like to report a murder this bitch killed my vibe
hythe: fwips: orlandobloomers: people used to have to paint their own selfies
this urn will turn you into a tree after you die
tannietart: seapeny: rainbow-road-to-happiness: You can choose what kind of tree you want to become Idk I just find this beautiful just imagine cemeteries looking like this a forest of living, changing, beautiful trees. I think a tombstone holds much more finality in death than a tree. It’s like you are living on symbolically through something greater than yourself. this is a...
necrophilofthefuture: when i was in 3rd grade we were all drawing pictures for our parents for christmas but im a really shitty artist so i got mad and when this girl amelia wasnt looking i took her drawing because i thought it was so good. i gave it to my parents for christmas and to this day it is still hanging up in my house because my parents think i drew it.
aquus: i just thought of the cheeto girls and laughed really hard and then i made this
Anonymous asked: you're so cute <3
i cybered on omegle today
You: wanna cyber
Stranger: Depends are you a girl? ;)
Stranger: And okay then, you start?
You: i come into ur bedroom
You: and ur sleeping
You: and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger: I'm still asleep
You: u feel me pulling down ur pants
You: and u wake up and smile
Stranger: I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You: then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You: cutting off your penis
You: THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger: Then what...?
You: I HATE YOU
Stranger: I didn't cheat
You: you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger: i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You: nobody ever knows what happened
You: i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You: the end
Stranger: I have a mercedes?
You: not anymore faggot
Your conversation partner has disconnected.
It is funny how you do not miss affection until it is given, but once it is, it...– Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing (via onlytheilluminatisurvive)
codykru: everyone’s middle name should be motherfuckin
people: so what kind of music do you like?
me: ugh it's not that simple
partybarackisinthehousetonight: pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood